I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
