I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
