i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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