i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
