I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
