We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
