I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
