the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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