and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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