i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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