yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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