Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
