Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
