In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
