there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
