My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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