i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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