in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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