i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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