Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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