yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
