I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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