I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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