I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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