Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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