My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
