My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
