ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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