Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
