if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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