OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
