I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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