Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
