Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
