oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
