YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
