Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
