How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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