brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
