somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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