why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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