my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Houston, we have a squirter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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