Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
