Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was like eating out sand paper
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
