Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
