If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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