i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
