i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
