Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
