I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
