Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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