I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
