I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
