I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
