If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
