I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
