i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
