wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize