I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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