Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
