dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
