I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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