When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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