So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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