There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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