Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
