my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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