One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
