The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
